April 2013
13 posts
you: hello
me: ...
you: hello?
me: ...
you: hello??
me: ...
you: what the hell?
me: ...
you: ...
me: hello.
a mix of pre-first-day-of-school anxiety and i-left-the-oven-on-and-i-may-have-burnt-down-the-whole-building-anxiety
sorry for the things i did or said when enraged about the smallest things in the world. and also the largest things in the world.
anger management.
secrets
all of them.
defeated.
you ask, “why are you insane?” i am insane to spare you my insanity.
that is, it/i could be far worse.
where is your shame?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuckkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuu
do you ever not think about moving to new york?
you are a very good writer.
“i am not well,” she explained.
resurrect verb [ trans. ] restore (a dead person) to life
day[s] 2 (usu. days) a particular period of the past; an era in preposition 4 (often followed by a noun without a determiner) expressing a state or condition
active 1 (of a person) engaging or ready to engage in physically energetic pursuits death the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism ...
September 2012
10 posts
dear tara and gavin,
i miss you already. please, don’t slow down.
xo, etheline h. kitts
my god. we are all so unbelievably fucked.
baby food
how many distanced friends do you have? do they always say how much they want to hang out with you when they see you, yet when you contact them you don’t even receive a decline, rather you receive no response at all? do they display being in your area via various forms of social media that they know you see, yet again never invited you or worse yet again didn’t respond to you when...
hi, jeramiah!!
August 2012
8 posts
the playlist
“what do i get?” the buzzcocks “bright lit blue skies” ariel pink’s haunted graffiti “needles and pins” the ramones “the apologist” r.e.m. “young pilgrims” the shins “what would i want? sky.” animal collective “bukowski” modest mouse “house sparrow” xiu xiu “slice of life” bauhaus...
when i went to the clinic for a severe allergic...
sitting on the paper covered table/bed thing in the clinic, the nurse went down her list of generic questions: “when was your last tetanus shot?” ”your last period?” etc. i answered each through my swollen stiff lips, and then she said, “do you have any allergies?” my eyes glimpsed her through their swollen lids and attempted a look that said, “no, i just...
July 2012
5 posts
my shameful emo side
Unfortunately, I cannot deny the markedly emotional side of myself. Loneliness: the constant struggle of my insane attempts to feel unique and independent versus my inane want for a person or people to care about me. In a world that constantly tells me that I cannot have it all—you can’t have your cake and eat it too—how am I to make sense of this? This struggle. It rears its ugly head at the...
did you also know that i have started four video projects in three months and finished none of them? i have written only three full essays, and edited none of them. i have taken one full roll of film and that’s it in the past two months. did you know that i haven’t ridden a horse in six months? did you now that these are the only things i am decently tolerable at, and i am now...
did you know that if i made you a play list it would include bauhaus’ “who killed mr. moonlight” as track five? now you know. anticipate and precipitate.
finddddddddd meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
all rats go to heaven...
How often do you feel homesick? Do you roll over in your own bed and think you are in a strange place? Does your stomach turn with your body and you run to the bathroom? Do you regurgitate your mistakes and success and regret everything? Do you stumble back to your bed like a drunk and fall into its bottomlessness? Do you talk yourself into eating something and then back out of it? When you...
May 2012
1 post
Watchwhen the customers leave… (i don’t own the song playing or the stuff in the background)
March 2012
8 posts
i stood there and was sure i was a statue, immoveable by all and only able to feel every part of me that man created.
when you’re.
excerpts of a life.
when i got to his house he was already asleep. i crawled into bed beside him and thought, “what am i doing?” “i want to die.” and my body was cold and shaking. he thought i was just cold.
i almost couldn’t walk without stumbling. it was like i was really drunk. and while i laid there thinking about how i hate myself and he slept, i thought, “i shouldn’t...
notes from a notetaker
march 14, 2012 10:04 p.m. is this really what it’s come to? are we as good as it gets? the fucked? the fucked up leftovers of a bullshit theology? i feel like death. tell me this is living. i couldn’t stand this being death.
march 5, 2012 7:35 p.m.
i hate you. i hate you. innate you. i hate you. j hate you. i hate you. i hate you. a drunk conversation with myself about...
i love my cat! you won’t change my mind!
what i should have said...
you: i would really like you to come over...
me: well, i would really like you to love me, but sometimes we don't get what we want.
February 2012
72 posts
lucky to be around such thoughtful people, she told herself not to be disappointed that nothing could be.
i just noticed the other day in the shower that i have been sucking in my stomach since i can remember. i had a great mother. she wasn’t the type to make me feel like shit for my appearance, though in certain outfits she might mention that it would look better on me if i “sucked it in.” she said this the same way she would ask me to iron my shirts, or comb my hair— not...
have you ever met someone who seemed to want to be around you but you kind of noticed that they seemed only to like a couple of things about you? with the exception of when these few things, they spend time with you pointing out things they don’t like as if they are being helpful? i.e. “you always do this” ”why do you always…” “i think it’s...
how often do you think about cheating? in any form. do you think about you, yourself cheating on your partner? do you think about your partner cheating on you? do you think of what constitutes “cheating”? do you look around public places wondering who here is on a date with someone other than his/her partner? do you think one gender seems to cheat more often? have you ever been...
